Risk Being Unrelatable

“Risk being unrelatable and misunderstood.” Allyson Byrd voiced this challenge on a podcast for female entrepreneurs. Immediately, that concept resonated deep within me. Simply and clearly, she put words to underlying feelings I’d been experiencing for the past two years. For context, Byrd was discussing how to step into the version of yourself that will achieve your lofty goals as an entrepreneur.  Here’s an excerpt from the conversation: 

Wow. First, Allyson Byrd is incredibly articulate, and I highly recommend this podcast episode. Second, this idea is transformative and necessary. Adopting this mindset can be the difference between ideation and execution. The most pervasive roadblocks to our success are founded in our own fear, our own lack of confidence, and ultimately, our own self-sabotage. Mindset is everything, and we are experts at getting in our own way. Byrd’s challenge to be unrelatable is the foundation of progress and stepping into your desired self. Who are you inviting yourself to be? Are you letting fear of being misunderstood stop you from becoming her? Are you so obsessed with your goals that you are willing to be unrelatable? As an entrepreneur, I know that I think big and set lofty goals. The reality of such goals is that the path to achieve them requires hard, impossible work. That means risking failure, uncertainty, and, inadvertently, unrelatability to achieve them. 

I started my own business two years ago, in the middle of college. At the time, I was taking 18 hours a semester, working part-time, leading two student clubs, and getting this business off the ground. To say I was in over my head would be an understatement. Several months into the business, I was talking to a friend about the stress I was under. I remember her gently urging me, “you don’t have to run a business in college.” When I heard those words, I felt my entire being protest that notion. Something clicked. I did have to run a business in college because I deeply wanted to. I couldn’t picture an alternative. My friend’s response was well-meaning and, ultimately, just looking out for my health and best interest. But, her words made me realize that my deep-rooted desire to run a business and create change despite the difficulty was unconventional. I couldn’t name that trait until listening to this podcast. But, dang, I think I’m pretty unrelatable. 

That moment with my friend and several other similar encounters clued me in that my approach to life wasn’t going to be easily understood. Practically, my friend was right. I could’ve saved my four college years to make the most of my time with friends and school and started my business later. I could’ve walked away from that conversation and dissolved my business because I was overwhelmed. But I didn’t. I continued to pour my time into my business because that decision aligned with who I am. To me, that is the core of Byrd’s message. To make choices that align with our truest selves and our biggest goals requires us to do things that others wouldn’t. And that’s the risk. People get uncomfortable around what they don’t understand. But, making decisions that are unrelatable shouldn’t be avoided due to the ramifications of being misunderstood. 

This isn’t exclusive to business ownership. Many of us have pieces of ourselves that may be hard to relate to. Maybe your unrelatable decision is to skip university and forge your own way into your desired industry. Maybe you went to university but instead of climbing the career ladder, you want to spend a couple years volunteering or working at a community garden. Perhaps you really want to leave your steady job in the middle of a pandemic to take a lower paying position that you are more passionate about. Your unrelatable decision could be as simple as trading Netflix and nights out to learn a skill you’ve always wanted. Those of us that practice Christianity know that our faith entails making all sorts of unrelatable decisions. All of us can benefit from taking the time to reflect on who we actually want to be and what it takes to get there. It isn’t easy to take the leap and make the unrelatable decision. I know that just the thought of being questioned by those that don’t understand my decisions can stop me in my tracks. It’s hard enough to make unconventional decisions, but downright exhausting to feel the need to defend them all the time.

We cannot listen to the voices that don’t understand why we do what we do. Often the unrelatable decisions are the ones that are inherently risky, uncertain, and push comfort zones. They may not make sense. They certainly don’t play it safe, and they may cost you. You might lose friends and gain critics. It truly is a risk to be unrelatable. But I would argue the greater risk is not making the decisions that align with you and your goals. You will miss out on incredible learnings, progress towards your goals, and opportunities you couldn’t even imagine. Refuse to squander your ambitions because of risk.  

It is important to note that you should not leave behind those that don’t relate to your goals. The right people will seek to understand you even if they don’t relate to your decisions. My best friends are not entrepreneurs, and they likely wouldn’t make the same decisions I do. And that’s great because we need diversity of thought and perspective in our lives. My best friends are my biggest supporters. While they may not always relate to my goals, they will be there to help me achieve them. That same friend that suggested I delay the start of my business came along side me and poured her time and energy into the business because she supported the mission of my business and my commitment to it. On the other hand, it is vital that you also find people that do relate to your goals. These people will fulfill the role of the empathetic sounding board when you experience the highs and lows of your chosen path. They will know exactly how you feel because they’ve been where you are due to your shared goals. As Byrd put it, “Lift as you climb. It’s only lonely at the top when you did not create space, focus, and determination to build relationships on the way up. No woman has a responsibility to reduce herself.” 

Don’t isolate yourself because you feel alone in your goals. Don’t suppress your ambitions because you’re worried people won’t understand. I’ve been there, and it’s not fun. Instead, invite others into your ambition. I know it’s hard to do this. It’s incredibly scary to vocalize your goals. What if I tell someone my goals, but I fall short? What if they judge me for them? Who am I to have that kind of ambition? There will always be excuses and doubt. But the beautiful thing about inviting others in is the inherent accountability, help, and support. Share your wildest dreams and be honest about what it’s like to pursue them, the good and the bad. When you have created space for others in the journey, those relationships will be there to catch you on the hard days and lift you even higher on the good days. Do not reduce yourself. Step into your ambition, even if it’s unrelatable. Especially if it’s unrelatable. To become who you want to be and to accomplish what you want to do, you must claim your goals and own the path it takes to get there. So risk being unrelatable, take joy in being misunderstood, and know that those are just signs that your ambitions are noteworthy and worth pursuing.

October 2020