I’m Hiring Myself

After I graduated from college this past May, the dreaded and uncertain job search began. At the time, the unemployment rate was reported to be at 13% and potentially even as high as 16% due to a classification mistake. Additionally, the rate was even higher among women. As a recent grad with little professional experience under my belt, I had a hard time believing companies would be eager to choose me over the millions of other displaced professionals with years of experience. All summer, I’ve scrolled the job boards, edited and reedited my resume, and sent countless applications out into the internet blackhole where the hope of employment goes to die. The odds have not looked to be in my favor. Applying to jobs is basically shouting into the void. And this is not only my experience. It’s the experience of many 2020 grads and others on the hunt for jobs. Companies are on hiring freezes, trying to figure out how to stay in business, can no longer afford to hire the role they posted on LinkedIn, and so on. New applicants in their inbox aren’t top priority. Even companies that are actively hiring are surely inundated with applicants, rendering any chance of an answer entirely unlikely. Lack of response has become the norm, creating even more uncertainty in an already precarious time. 

At some point, something has to give. One can’t be unemployed and job search forever. At what point do you start applying to less ideal jobs? Compromise and settling feels inevitable. Of course, for me, this is my first “real” job. It’s not supposed to be glamorous. It’s just supposed to be employment, a step in a direction—who cares if it’s even the right direction. I have a hard time accepting that. Really, I have a hard time with the whole job search in general. While I’ve been searching and applying to jobs, I really don’t want one. The more I explore existing roles, the less I want to fill them. 

I’ve always wanted to be self-employed. I’ve known this my entire life. In college, I got degrees in entrepreneurship and fine art. I literally majored in self-employment. Twice. So it’s no surprise that the idea of working for someone else is unappealing to me. I started creating my own products and selling them at age 8. I had a custom jewelry business at age 13. I started doing commission artwork around the same time and have never stopped. When I got to college, I founded my own secondhand clothing store and resale service that I continue to operate. Honestly, the idea of working for someone else hadn’t really crossed my mind until graduation was imminent. Because self-employment has always been my goal, I had no idea what sort of role within another business I would even occupy. After 2 years of running my own business, I’ve grown accustomed to calling the shots, managing every aspect of the business, and working on my own timeline. The idea of an entry-level job sounds soul-sucking.

Since I already own a business, why would I even look for a job? This is an excellent, complicated question. Somewhere along the way, I decided I needed more experience, more money, and more learning. And those things are true. But they don’t have to be exclusive to working for someone else. I bought into the narrative that following some sort of conventional job path was necessary. I know I’m not going to run my existing business forever, but I also don’t yet have a business idea that I’m sold on pursuing next. Thus, it seemed that I should get a job in the meantime.

All of this brings me to a recent revelation I had. If I have no desire to work for someone else and no longer feel the compulsion that gaining work experience has to be tied to traditional employment, I could not sit around waiting to be hired. I’m hiring myself. I’m choosing experience, learning, and growth on my own terms. As I mentioned, I started my secondhand clothing business in college. This means I’ve always done it alongside being a fulltime student. I’ve never been able to pursue it fulltime. What would it look like if instead of pouring my energy into someone else’s ideas at a 9-5, I dedicated that time to a fulltime pursuit of growing my own business? I’ve proven the business can be successful when I have part-time capacity to give it, so let’s see what I can do by giving it my entire capacity. 

I think it’s important to address why the notion and language of hiring myself is purposeful. I could just say that I’m pursuing the business full time or I’m taking some time to do my own thing. I intentionally want to use the idea of “hiring myself” to capitalize on some connotations tied to being “hired.” It implies accountability and desirability. With this analogy, two roles exist: the hirer and the hired. The one hiring is seeking a candidate that is capable and talented. That hired candidate will be accountable to the terms of employment. In this scenario, I am both. I’m hiring myself for the same skills and traits I have that make me desirable to an employer. Every cover letter I wrote in which I presented evidence that I’m a great hire was actually building a case for why I’m perfectly capable of successfully building my own business. I’m hiring myself because I know my skills can serve me just as they could serve another business. Thus, I am answering to myself, my business, and my customers. Another benefit of this mindset is that it demands responsibility. It implies the structure of a work environment that involves showing up to do the job every day. This is helpful because it can be easy to slack off without routine or someone to answer to. Treating self-employment as a hired role allows for a sense of regularity and responsibility that would be found if one showed up to an office every day. 

Semantics? Sure. But we can’t deny the power of wording when it comes to framing our perspective. As Marie Forleo explores in her book, Everything is Figureoutable, “beliefs create behaviors.” That means whatever I believe about myself, my capabilities, and how I should spend my time creates habits and behaviors. The narrative we tell ourselves determines how we carry ourselves in the world. When I tell myself every day it is valuable to show up and work on my business because I am capable of success, I will act accordingly, increasing my chances at that success. When I allow myself to believe that I don’t need the corporate experience and paycheck before starting another business, I can more fully step into the role of growth and learning on my own. That is why I am no longer telling myself that I need someone to hire me. I don’t. I can hire myself and show up every day for myself and my business. I refuse to allow an uncertain job market with unresponsive employers to dictate my time and my career. Therefore, no company will be seeing my resume float across their desk anytime soon. That “self-starter” that every company lists in their job candidate qualifications will be taking this opportunity to start something for herself. 

August 2020