Age, Obstacle or Opportunity?
Lately, I’ve been reminding myself of my own age quite a bit. Not in the forgetful way but in the “slow down, you’re only 21!” way. As someone with ambitions to build something impactful in this decade and as someone with the underlying hope to be on one of those 30 under 30 lists and the likes, I put pressure on myself to constantly be looking for opportunities to propel me in that direction.
This pressure can manifest itself in disappointment or self-criticism—something that has been heightened since moving to New York City. NYC is an incredible place because it’s full of energy. Everyone is working hard, seemingly successful (whatever that means), and working on passion projects. And I’m not one to play the comparison game. It’s a waste of mental space. Yet, it’s hard not to glance at the person next to me at the coffeeshop who is scheduling film shoots or to eavesdrop on the business call about some important decision and not feel a twinge of jealousy. I want to be the one scheduling for my own vision or making my own big decisions. But, in this season of life, that’s not what I’m doing. At least not in the context of my current employment. And that’s okay. Seasonality is real and something we can allow to propel us forward rather than feeling held back by it.
Time. That’s a big thing for me. I embrace it for its limitations but also hate it for the same reason. A phrase I often come back to is “to dust all return.” This sums up the importance yet ephemerality of time. It’s a reminder of my mortality. It’s acknowledges a return to dust—a humble reminder that we are human created out of the dirt by a gracious God. This relieves some of the pressure and rush to make incredible things because all returns to dust (and ultimately all glory goes to God). Yet, it also motivates me to use the short time we have valuably. This phrase has been a pillar to my worldview for years now, complicating my relationship with time.
Now, age—a dependent variable of time. Recently, I had a conversation with my dad in which we both agreed I was born 30 years old. As I discover incredible women doing great things out in the world, the conversation is often on how your thirties are when you settle into yourself and your career while your twenties are a time of exploration and probably confusion. Well, at 21, I can attest to the confusion of the past year. I’ve always been relatively sure of what I want and where I want to go. The past year has unraveled that assurance. New experiences have upended where I see myself in the coming years, though not in a bad way. However, as someone who has 30-year-old tendencies, I’ve been frustrated at the lack of feeling settled in my career aspirations.
A selfie to prove my 21 year old youth
It’s unfair for me to have those expectations of myself. Why should I feel settled at all at 21 years old? I shouldn’t. And, honestly, what a gift. I’ve been holding onto this quote by David Whyte that explores how a lack of direction is an asset to paying attention. This is incredibly valuable because paying attention to our surroundings is one of the best things an artist and an entrepreneur can do.
“Eventually we realize that not knowing what to do is just as real and just as useful as knowing what to do. Not knowing stops us from taking false directions. Not knowing what to do, we start to pay real attention. Just as people lost in the wilderness, on a cliff face or in a blizzard pay attention with a kind of acuity that they would not have if they thought they knew where they were. Why? Because for those who are really lost, their life depends on paying real attention. If you think you know where you are, you stop looking.”
My point is this: take advantage of your stage of life. Young isn’t bad. It’s a time to pay real attention. Don’t rush, but don’t wait for later either. We get so caught up in this timeline we feel we have to meet. We feel inferior when our timelines look different than someone else’s. Yes, there are ample amounts of people who have done more than I have at this age. And there are those that have done less. Yet, that has no effect on my timeline. I may not build an empire by age 30, and that’s okay. I may not be calling the shots and seeing the vision of my own business come to life right now, and that’s also okay. But, what I am doing is taking daily steps towards where I want to be. Those steps may look like 3 hours of developing plans for my personal brand and business, or it may look like just a few simple moments of self-reflection that point me towards a healthier state of mind. How we spend our time is important. But so is how we feel about our time. We must learn to give ourselves grace by refusing to get caught up in the pressures of time and age. The age you are right now is an opportunity— no matter what age that is. And if you feel lost, it’s time to start paying real attention.
July 2019